What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 07:30
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
What was your best revenge story?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He resisted the act ,that day.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Does centrifugal force teach us about gravity?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why am I so tired of seeing homeless people all over the place?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why do people say "tall, dark, and handsome" when they actually mean "tall, white, and handsome"?
I never cut or harmed myself..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Who then, do I blame.?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
(And it was in our own minds.)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
What do you think of the Quora group "It's Ok to Be White" for people who are proud of being white?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Would this be the day?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Can you turn 150 pages into a 5 minute presentation before a meeting?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I waited trembling.
What can you do if someone makes a false accusation against you?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Put me off passion for life!!
What is your review of Kota Factory Season 3 (TVF Original)?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was seconnd youngest,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was very sick at this time too.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She loved him until the end.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im still living with it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She married twice! .
I was scared of men, in general
It was going to be , some day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My mum and dad in the seventies!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
This is soul school!.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Comes on , in middle age.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She was in good health!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But ive been too sick for many years..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We all went to grammer schools
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She found it foreign!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But it wasn’t much.
He knew the spot.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
When she asked me how she looked .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So whats the point in blame.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I said to her
My life is so biszare .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
So, i spoilt her more .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But, we were locked up after school.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And i lived it daily.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I don,t even have a pension.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I write beautiful poetry .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I think the readers, may guess!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were not on the streets..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Ive learnt so much.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
All the time i was locked up.
I was 9 years of age.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She wouldn,t have been !
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why did i forgive my father ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My family never makes their pension either.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One cannot live in the past .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
What did i know ?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I have no regrets .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I will be 64.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.